Vending Machine
by NCIS7BEXX
Summary: Tiva. Candy. Palmer?
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Tiva. Candy. Palmer?

Disclaimer: #*^ nothing

Vending Machine

Tony always goes to the vending machine when he needs relief. Most times he visits his chocoland almost three times a day. Today was no exception. He was on his second visit and fifth nutter butter. Well technically his third because Gibbs had thrown out his second for reasons unknown and Ducky had trashed his fourth because eating in autopsy was a sign of "disrespect" for the dead Petty Officer who they found murdered in Rock Creek Park. In his own defense, Tony pointed out that he was the one that found the hair that ended up belonging to the murderer (typical: I thought she was having an affair excuse), but all that earned him was a head slap from Gibbs. Yes he definitely needed a candy bar, perhaps a York peppermint patty or maybe just a plain Hershey's milk chocolate bar, but Tony was so wrapped up in his candy fantasy that he didn't notice Ziva following him.

Carefully looking both ways, Tony slammed his fist against the upper left hand corner of the flimsy plastic and the mechanics started whirling and a Twix bar plopped into the bin at the bottom. Damn, he swore to himself. In his frustration, he banged his hand against the nearest thing (the machine) and a Reeses joined his Twix in his hand of unwanted candy.

"Maybe I can help you with that." Ziva said, sneaking up behind Tony in her secret ninja way, dangling a dollar bill in his face.

"You could choose the item instead of hitting the machine and _hoping to get lucky_." She said putting a certain amount of emphasis on that last phrase.

"Perhaps you may even get a double tap. No wait, double spin. No… what is it called when you get two for one?" Ziva asked, feeling slightly embarrassed as not knowing the right phrase really ruined the secretive effect she was going for, just like in all those stupid movies he always blabs about.

"No thanks Zi. Want one?" Tony offered the offending pieces of chocolate to Ziva but it was more of a peace offering than candy as his hand gently rested on her waste while she turned her face towards him.

"No, thank you though." Ziva said coyly. She slowly brought her arms up and around Tony's neck and leaned over to whisper in his ear.

"I would like just a taste." She said slyly, slowly running both of her hands up and down his chest tantalizingly as Tony takes a chomp out of the Twix bar. Then he wraps one arm around Ziva's trim waist and brings the other up to play with her soft, chocolate brown curls as the Twix bar lay on the ground forgotten.

"Well, if you really only want just a taste…" Tony smirked, pressing his lips against her as she leaned into his embrace. His tongue traced the outline of Ziva's lips, giving her the choco/caramel taste that she wanted, but of course she wanted more. Opening her mouth, she entwined her tongue with his, giving her the other flavor that she'd been craving. As their kiss became more passionate, Ziva broke it off.

"Tony. We cannot. They will find out." Ziva scolded, but melted under Tony's puppy dog eyes and leaned in for another kiss and they both became so focused on each other that neither noticed Palmer standing in the doorway, his jaw practically unhinged and a limp dollar in his hand.

A/N- Hey Everybody. Who wants this to be a one-shot? Okay who wants this to be a two shot? Reviews will influence my decision heavily and would also be very nice. I welcome constructive critism but don't be mean. Phrase it nicely and politely. If you have something mean to say don't say it or if necessary PM it to me. I will have a _Hall Of Fame_ for reviewers and there are PRIZES! Well, no. There aren't but review anyway. Enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- Thanks to all of those who reviewed! As promised, my hall of fame is listed at the bottom of the page. Apparently everybody who reviewed wanted this to be a two shot and I'm happy to comply. Thank you so much for reading it really means a lot especially if you tell me what you like or don't like. I'm only in 8****th**** grade and I'm trying to improve as a writer so if you have any comments on grammar and/or vocabulary, I would love to hear them and feel free to PM me. I also forgot to mention that this takes place in my own world where the whole thing with Lee didn't happen and she and Palmer still had their "thing" going on.**

**Summary: Tiva. Candy. Palmer?**

**Disclaimer: ****I wish upon every star and 11:11 and everything but it's still not mine. Guess I'll just have to going back to writing about what I wish will happen.**

Vending Machine: Chapter 2

Palmer slipped out of the doorframe quietly, not completely believing what he had just seen. Tony. With Ziva. Kissing. Hurrying down to Autopsy he shoved his dollar bill into his teal/ aquamarine scrubs and hurried over to Doctor Mallard to tell him a juicy story, but quickly ran away, realizing that this is the golden opportunity. Blackmail. For any blackmail to work in NCIS, Abby would have to be involved so Palmer happily obliged when Ducky asked him to take their Captains bodily fluids and hairs up to the lab.

" Abby! You'll never guess what I just stumbled on," Palmer shouted. Practically going hoarse over the blaring of punk rock music. Abby whirled around, her pigtails slapping his neck and almost hitting Jimmy in the face. Her eyes were practically jumping up and down with anticipation.

"Palmer. Tell me. Now! How dare you hold out on a secret. You know that I need to know everything in the building." Abby shrieked, almost knocking out McGee's eardrums as he walked into Labby with the Captains laptop slung over his shoulder.

" Hey Abs. What secret?" McGee asked. Genuinely curious and oblivious in that special McCombo that made Abby love him, but like puppies of course.

"I don't know McGee! Palmer was about to tell me. Go away." Abby said, leaving McGee feeling hurt and giving her his sad eyes. Abby caught this look out of the corner of her eyes and ran across the lab, giving McGee a hug and making his stay. While all this was going on, Palmer had scooted out of the lab for his irrational fear of Gibbs was telling him to leave before he showed up. Running to the elevator, Palmer waited for the doors to open anxiously and when they did he got into the metal cubicle so fast that he didn't notice that he had company. The two people that he really didn't want to see. As a hand flipped the emergency switch, the lights went out and Palmers heart rate went up.

*****NCIS*****NCIS*****NCIS*****NCIS*****NCIS*****NCIS*****NCIS*****NCIS***

"So _Jimmy_, where were you at about 0900?" Asked Tony as Ziva played with her knife intimidating. Palmer started sweating through his thin scrubs and old Hanes t-shirt. He always had bad timing but really. First walking in on a _personal moment_ and then catching this of all elevators. Tony then pulled out a video camera and a legal pad, as the elevator took an unexpected stop at the legal department as Special Agent Lee got on the elevator, unaware of what she was getting into. She had just gotten a text from a mysterious number telling her to go to Autopsy, which she assumed meant a special moment with Palmer, but she was so wrong.

" Hello Ziva, Tony." Michelle said, nodding to the two agents as she said their names, unaware that the man she was looking for was in the elevator until Tony shifted to his left and revealed a very scared looking Palmer.

"Hi. Michelle. I was just um going to um go to um…" Palmer started off saying and stopped half way as Ziva toyed with her knife again.

"Look." Ziva said.

"We both know what Palmer was doing at 9:00 this morning and we now that you were there Lee possibly involved. So you should tell us before Gibbs finds out so he doesn't kill the two of you." Lee blushed and Palmer's shoulders relaxed visibly as he realized what Tony and Ziva weren't talking about. Glancing at Michelle, Palmer flushed.

"Well, we might of um had a few… encounters but that weren't um completely um professional but um we um have stopped our um encounters in the building and they are now um private." Palmer stuttered. Tony then flipped the switch and the elevator whirled into motion and Lee almost literally jumped out, while Ziva and Tony left the transporter smirking, not realizing how lucky they really are as they walked back to their allotted desks. Palmer just slid down the wall, thinking about how much this dirty little secret is worth.

*****NCIS*****NCIS*****NCIS*****NCIS*****NCIS*****NCIS*****NCIS*****NCIS***

Slowly heading back towards their paperwork, Tony couldn't help laughing at the poor autopsy gremlin. He was just too easy to pick on. He and Ziva had previously been doing 'adult things' in the elevator when Palmer had barged in and Lee coming in was just a coincidence but he had fallen for it and it had all worked out well, except for the new problem that he and Ziva had spent all morning and part of the afternoon so busy torturing Palmer that they were now left with all of the paperwork for the dead Captain that was lying in the mourge. Tony had definitely picked the wrong day to have some fun. A petty officer and a captain both dead and both by jealous spouses.

McGee arrived with Chinese food and Ziva and Tony had snuck back out to "get soy sauce", but was stopped when Gibbs came back from his coffee break and forced them to go back to work or they would be on desk duty for the next month, a punishment that usually had good results.

Palmer had just packed up his bag and was on his way to his car when he saw a bat flying straight towards him. Wait no, not a bat, a very hyper Abby.

"Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy! Wait!" Abby screamed, running as fast as her four inch

platforms would take her. Finally reaching her destination, she stopped to take a breath and looked up Palmer panting.

"Jimmy! You never told me the secret."

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	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer-I don't own anything. Never did and never will but I wish.

Summary- Tiva. Candy. Palmer?

Vending Machine: Chapter 3

Palmer leaned down to whisper in Abby's ear, deciding instantly to keep what Abby called 'Tiva' a secret. After all, Tony and Ziva are going to torture him mercilessly about Michelle, but spreading rumors about them would be like signing his death certificate before laying himself down onto Ducky's tables.

"Well Abby, Tony and Ziva caught me and Michelle in um a um compromising situation and I um just wanted to um tell you before the um rumors got to you um first." Palmer said quickly, before running towards his care, he had enough for one day.

Meanwhile, back in the Navy Yard, Tony, Ziva and McGee sat at their desks trying to type up the seemingly endless paperwork that accumulated during a murder investigation. McGee had just come back from General Tso's and each agent had their proffered dish, but Tony was eying Ziva's chicken chow-fun and Ziva was making a huge deal of taking each bite very slowly, tantalizing Tony.

" Ya know Zeevah. That's really low." Tony said smirking, tossing a lo mein noodle at her desk while making very inconspicuous kissy faces at Ziva but her being a ninja and all, noticed and started throwing pieces of sautéed vegetables at Tony. Some stray veggies hit McGee who eagerly returned fire, launching the bullpen into a full-fledged food fight covering the desks in mushy mooshu. Tony instantly flung his entire platter at McGee's head, running out of ammunition so he went to hide under Ziva's desk, grabbing her legs for support and 'accidentally' pulled Ziva down with him as the two of them hid under Ziva's desk while McGee chucked the remaining food at the two, with Abby's help, who had come up from the lab fully stocked with frozen caf-pow pellets.

While Tony and Ziva were busy making out, they didn't hear the elevator doors ding open and an angry looking Gibbs stalks out. Abby ran as fast as she could back down to the lab, or for cover, and McGee started typing as fast as he could, pretending to look busy. The couple playing an extended version of seven minutes in heaven weren't alerted to the boss's presence until a loud bang sounded and a can smashed against the side of Ziva's desk, alerting the two agents who split apart who looked up at the pissed off Gibbs. He started at the two of them for what seemed like an eternity before finally summoning McGee.

"Hey! Didn't I tell you two," he said pointing at McGee and Tony, " that if there's another food fight I'd be joining in with peas in a can. And you two," Gibbs rounded on Tony and Ziva, "what's with the grab ass?"

**A/N- What do you think. Should I add another chapter or leave it like this. I do love cliffhangers… Review if you'd like because I definitely would like to hear what you want to think. Should it be more Palmer? Tiva? Gibbs?**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N- Congrats to everyone who noticed that Gibbs was response to the food fight was from an episode. "If there's ever another food fight, I'll be joining with peas in a can."~ Witness 2x13. Anyway, I apologize for not updating recently. State tests and finals just suck.**

Palmer was thoughts were pacing in his head as he drove to work. He had just gotten his mail and in it was an invitation to the annual team summer party. During his first few years working at NCIS, he wasn't even invited to this obviously exclusive party but now they even encouraged him to bring Michelle. His was how far he had come. He is in. He is accepted. He is so dead. Just running into Tony and Ziva at the office is awkward enough but sitting down and spending a night with them is going to be torture.

Passing through the usual security check, he was actually stopped because Tom the Security Guard thought he looked jittery. He had no idea. The whoosh and ding of the elevator awoke him from his thoughts as he strolled towards the automatic doors that today weren't working very well. Poor Jimmy smashed right into the cold metal as his glasses shattered and his legs collapsed underneath him. Bad things come in threes. What could possibly happen next aside from the whole Tony and Ziva thing. Groaning, Palmer got up, gathering the shards of glass that once gave him sight and got back in the elevator to go to Legal. He knew Michelle was in and would help him.

"Hmm." Said a voice behind him. Yelping slightly and hunching up his shoulders, Palmer turned around expecting to see Doctor Mallard who would yell at him for not working or worse, Gibbs or Tony or, shudder, Ziva. The mysterious voice belonged to none other than Abby who still wanted to know the secret. With the help of her very loyal McGee, they rigged the door to close when Jimmy walked by so he would get in the elevator because she knew about him and Lee. Actually, everyone did. It wasn't her fault, she just had a big mouth.

"Hi Abby. How are you?" He asked, sweating like a very nervous pig.

" Well Jimmy, you know something I want to know. Being me, I feel I have to know the gossip of everyone's personal lives. If you are holding out on me, I can make your life hell. I know everything." Abby smirked as Palmer pushed the up button rapidly, hoping it will make the stopped elevator move even though she stood next to that small flip.

"I uh don't know what you're talking about Abby but I um have to go to um work but I will talk to you at the party and…"

"Actually Jimmy, you aren't going to leave until I know what I want and you're going the wrong way to work AND if you don't tell me, I will tell Gibbs about you and Lee and he gets really angry when someone breaks his rules, especially rule twelve which is a biggy. So, tell me. NOW."

Back in the bullpen, Tony, Ziva and Tim were sitting at their desks doing "paperwork", but in reality they were planning the big end of year bash. Abby had already decided that it was to be at Jenny's house because she had a pool and that it was mandatory for Gibbs to come because she knew he was going to try and skimp out. Ziva was in charge of food, Michelle, Abby and Jenny were decorating and Tony supplied alcohol. McGee, Ducky both opted to bringing plastic silverware so they don't make a mess and Palmer didn't really have anything so he said he would… just come. Everyone was allowed to bring a plus one and McGee was happily escorting Abby, Jenny was basically forcing Gibbs to come and everybody knew about Lee and Palmer, even though Jimmy didn't know that, Tony was bringing Ziva and Ziva was planning on going with Tony but they just didn't know how to tell everyone and by everyone, they really meant Gibbs. Speaking of Gibbs…

" Hey Boss, can I talk to you for a minute?" DiNozzo asks as Gibbs breezes into the bullpen. Stopping to grab a fresh cup of coffee, he turned to face his senior field agent who was basically shaking.

"Ya, DiNozzo, you can take David to the party." He said without stopping as he hopped up the stairs to MTAC and Jenny's office.

"How… how did he know that?"

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	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer- I, NCIS7BEXX, don't own anything. Nope. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I wish every night at 11:11 but they don't come true. Damn, I guess now I can't wish for good grades. Ugh. Hard work.

****NOTE- I am changing part of last chapter. The party will now be at the NCIS building, not at Director Sheppard's house****

**Vending Machine Ch.5**

**(Abby's P.O.V)**

Nobody, and I mean nobody, here at NCIS loves a party more than me. They're just so much fun and so many different possible themes. Wait, that reminds me, I have to call everyone and remind them that it's a costume party. Well okay, actually I should probably tell first. I know, I know, Jenny usually hosts the party and makes all of the "important" decisions, but a costume party would be so fun! Damn, now I'm late for work and my hertz has a flat. Looks like I need Timmy's help. He's always so helpful and kind and chivalrous, but it's not like I love him or anything. I mean I do, but like… a lot. Yup, I know. The definition of insanity is repeating something and expecting a different outcome, but this is different. Timmy is one of a kind and I'm not going to wait around until he's gone or some other woman comes in or whatever. I can't. If I don't do something soon, I might loose my special, kind Timmy. We had such a great thing but I was stupid and broke it off and… The doorbell rang, breaking my chain of thought. As I peeked through the eyehole, I saw a poor, shaking Palmer. He must have pissed somebody off and by the amount of sweat he's generating, I'd guess either Gibbs or Ziva.

"Hi Abby. I um just need a favor. Could you possibly ask Michelle uh Lee if she would go to the 4th of July party with me? I mean I'm only asking you because you're like the NCIS matchmaker and I know that the party isn't for a while but…" Palmer stuttered, eyeing my coffin and décor warily. Of course he would come here and ask for my help. Why do I always have to match everybody up? No one has ever done it for me, hmm until now.

"Hey Palmer," I said.

"I'll talk to Michelle if you talk to Timmy for me, okay?" Jimmy looked absolutely terrified at the idea of event talking to one of the members of Special Agent Gibb's team. He never even chatted about the weather with them, much less their social lives. The idea must seem like walking into gunfire or sugaring Gibbs coffee or something, but it doesn't matter to me. I'm not charging for my services. Wait service, that reminds me,

"Hey Palmer, could I have a ride to work?"

#$%^&*)(*%$#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$#$%^&*(

Upon arriving at NCIS, I ran up the three flights of stairs to the bullpen where Team Gibbs was starting another fun filled day of paperwork and cold cases.

"Okay, listen up!" I yelled.

"This years office party will also be a costume party. That's right, you heard me. All of you better be in costume, or else, okay? So break out that masking tape and hairspray because this is a contest! Pairs are allowed. There will be four categories, best executed, most appropriate, funniest and best all around. Pairs and singles will be judged separately. Go on, get to work." As I hop down from Gibbs desk, my platform boots thunking quite loudly, I get a lot of funny looks but ignore them, I have a costume to make.

#$%^&*)(*%$#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$#$%^&*(

The night of the party came quickly and couldn't even find a parking spot to drag my hertz into. My poor baby just couldn't make it any further. Once I finally found a spot like a mile away, I realized how late I was. Damn, I couldn't be late! I still have to meet with y super secret costume contest judge. Okay fine, the judge is just Cynthia, who begged and pleaded for me to not make her dress up. Not the self: figure out why she was so resistant to the mere fun of dressing up in crazy outfits, and speaking of crazy outfits, my eyes just about popped out of my head as I exit the elevator and see what my co-workers have come up with. Not bad. A bit to many movie stars and ghosts and those clichés, but I also see a lot of cardboard which means homemade costumes and originality. The music starts to play and I start to do what I do best, dance. Actually I danced for every song until it came time to reveal the costume contest winners. Still vibrating from the last techno beat, I bounce over to wear my favorite team is standing and lean up against my partner. We are so going to win this. Cynthia takes the stage and a few people boo when they see she isn't dressed up.

"Hi, everybody! You all look great tonight but only twelve of you will win our fabulous prizes. Please hold you're applause until the end. Starting with the singles, for the funniest costume we have Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs who is dressed as his boat. Best executed is Agent Samuels, with the obvious help of his daughters, dressed as a Girl Scout cookie box. Special Agent Ziva David is most definitely appropriately dressed as a ninja and ladies and gentleman, your best all-around singles costume, which I personally think is very fitting, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo dressed as Murdock* from The A Team! Now for your pairs, the funniest costumes go to Special Agent Timothy McGee and Ms. Abby Scuito dressed as the FBI. The best-executed award is for Agent Lee and Mr. Jimmy Palmer for they're very, um, unique costumes as a vending machine and a dollar bill. Now for most appropriate, little Miss. Sarah Karoni, daughter of Agent Hasmon and Karoni, and our very own Ducky as a prince and princess. Oh, folks we have a repeat winner. For best all-around pair costumes, the winners are Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs and Director Sheppard as a boat and lighter fluid. That's it folks, let's hear it for our winners!"

**Author's Note- Sorry that this took so long to update. I took a while to come up with good costumes, winners, etc. **

*** For those of you who didn't watch The A Team, which you should, Murdock is a psychotic patient who is also a ranger.**


	6. Chapter 6

Sequel is up. It's called Unwelcomed Visitors.


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